7 Survival guides in marriage
1) Acknowledge and work the problem.
When the heat is on, don't take your anger out on your spouse. "You get in trouble, you get pressure on you, and what you do is called reflexive biting. You start snapping at the person around you, and you begin to feel isolated and alone,"You've got to turn to your partner and say, 'Look, we're in a bad spot here, and we're going to deal with this together.'"
2) Identify the stressors in your relationship.
As the nation experiences an economic downturn, remember the problem is not your partner, but high interest rates, accumulating debt and looming unemployment. "Aim your guns in the right place. Once you have identified the issues, work together to find viable solutions.
3) Acknowledge fear.
"It hurts you to think that he was hurting inside, but he is," he says, referring to her husband, Walter. Her spouse admits that he feels like less of a man if he can't provide for and protect his family.
When the heat is on, don't take your anger out on your spouse. "You get in trouble, you get pressure on you, and what you do is called reflexive biting. You start snapping at the person around you, and you begin to feel isolated and alone,"You've got to turn to your partner and say, 'Look, we're in a bad spot here, and we're going to deal with this together.'"
2) Identify the stressors in your relationship.
As the nation experiences an economic downturn, remember the problem is not your partner, but high interest rates, accumulating debt and looming unemployment. "Aim your guns in the right place. Once you have identified the issues, work together to find viable solutions.
3) Acknowledge fear.
"It hurts you to think that he was hurting inside, but he is," he says, referring to her husband, Walter. Her spouse admits that he feels like less of a man if he can't provide for and protect his family.
4) Have emotional integrity.
Effective communication begins with honesty. "If you say you're going to look for a job in earnest, then look for a job. "Don't say it if you don't mean it." Be open to receiving input from your partner even at the expense of your ego.
5) Be willing to ask for help.
"Think about yourself as being at the bottom of a steep hill, and you're trying to pull a wagon up to the top of the hill. If you're both pulling it up the hill, you're going to get there. If one of you is pulling left and one of you is puling right, you're expending a lot of energy, and the wagon's not moving at all," Don't be afraid to admit that you can't manage the household debt alone, or that you're getting in over your head with credit cards.
6) List priorities, values and goals.
"For you, it's not all about money. That's OK. Talk about that. List those things. Make a plan." Find a way that the values of both partners can be honored. "It's like two corporations merging, and you need to have a board meeting,".
7) Have an action plan.
Dreams can motivate you to strive for the stars, but sometimes, you have to get your head out of the clouds. "The difference between a dream and a plan is a timeline."You've got to do checkups on yourself and see, 'Am I moving forward?'" Devise a realistic schedule that you and your spouse can get excited about
.
Effective communication begins with honesty. "If you say you're going to look for a job in earnest, then look for a job. "Don't say it if you don't mean it." Be open to receiving input from your partner even at the expense of your ego.
5) Be willing to ask for help.
"Think about yourself as being at the bottom of a steep hill, and you're trying to pull a wagon up to the top of the hill. If you're both pulling it up the hill, you're going to get there. If one of you is pulling left and one of you is puling right, you're expending a lot of energy, and the wagon's not moving at all," Don't be afraid to admit that you can't manage the household debt alone, or that you're getting in over your head with credit cards.
6) List priorities, values and goals.
"For you, it's not all about money. That's OK. Talk about that. List those things. Make a plan." Find a way that the values of both partners can be honored. "It's like two corporations merging, and you need to have a board meeting,".
7) Have an action plan.
Dreams can motivate you to strive for the stars, but sometimes, you have to get your head out of the clouds. "The difference between a dream and a plan is a timeline."You've got to do checkups on yourself and see, 'Am I moving forward?'" Devise a realistic schedule that you and your spouse can get excited about
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