When Love Goes Bad...Here's What to Do...
If you're not getting the love you want...
Most people in your situation start asking themselves the question (either consciously or unconsciously)...
And if you want to stay and rebuild the love, here's something you should know...
It's the most important aspect of any relationship.
AND...
It's also the first thing you want to fix if you don't have the love, passion or connection that you want from your partner.
What we're talking about is TRUST.
And no, we're not just talking about lack of trust as in the screaming, crying, thinking your love is over due to him or her cheating on you kind of trust issues.
We're talking about a whole other layer of trust issues that are present in almost every relationship or marriage...
But most people don't see them or realize they are there until it's too late.
Fighting, Arguing, Yelling, Screaming (Here's When It's a Good Thing)
We know this is true for us--check it out and see if it's true for you as well.
We bet it is...
Here's what happens...
One or both of you get triggered about something that the other says or does...
You defend and argue your point...
Then you either withdraw and clam up or keep trying to prove you're right by getting louder and more insistent.
...and the really crazy thing that happens when you're in the middle of a fight or argument is that little voice in your head that's throwing its own king sized temper-tantrum.
In the middle of these kinds of fights and arguments, very often you find yourself thinking things about your spouse or partner like...
"You don't love me..."
"I hate you..."
"I'll show you. I'm going to have an affair..."
"I should have never married you in the first place..."
"My mother was right about you and it took me 27 years
to finally see it..."
to finally see it..."
You might even say out loud some of these things that you don't really mean (just to get your point across) and that you later regret.
Your "fight" doesn't get resolved but eventually the two of you may ease your anger enough to "get along"--until the next time.
Sounds frustrating and pretty dismal, doesn't it?
We found out that it doesn't have to be that way.
You can use these arguments and fights to find out what you really want (it's usually not what you think you're fighting about)...
And get a resolution to the real issue that's underneath the obvious cause of the disconnection.
When your partner clams up and pulls away...
Imagine this...
You've just come home after a busy work day and you just want to relax but you can't...
Without looking at you or even a "hello," your partner immediately starts telling you what has to be done that evening.
And when you don't answer because you're a bit overwhelmed by all of it, your partner starts complaining that you never do anything around the house to help and wants to talk about what's wrong with your relationship.
You try to listen and respond but the "right" words just don't come and it ends up in a horrific fight and you don't know how it happened.
Not a lot of fun, is it?
Pretty much an automatic shut-down, isn't it?
We know this scenario isn't true for every couple but it is true for more than you can imagine...
...because opposites do attract and this very moment in time (or something very close to it) really is familiar for many
men and women.
men and women.
We don't like to generalize but in our research, many women want their man to open up and are frustrated because he won't talk.
And many men are equally as frustrated because they feel pushed into talking and sharing--and have learned to automatically withdraw and shut down when she even looks like she wants to talk.
Now of course both women and men do this unconsciously and most are just automatically doing what they were shown and learned to do to get their needs met early in their lives.
But it really doesn't have to be that way.
In fact, it's just the opposite.
Everything can change in a second...
Two Saturday’s ago, we had an “open house” at our new home and invited some friends in and it was a great time that several said we should repeat again soon.
And then…
Something tragic happened…
The next day, a dear friend of ours (he was at our party the night before) was hiking in a state park with his partner and stumbled and fell off a cliff to his death.
Because it happened so quickly, his partner could do nothing to save him.
We’re not telling you this story to share our sadness or our grief or because of how painful and tragic it was.
We’re sharing this story with you because there’s a BIG lesson about love here that we hope you get.
If you get this, you, your relationships and your ability to love and be loved will be changed forever.
We, like everyone else who loved this man, were shocked at the suddenness of his passing and were left with the reminder of just how precious life and those we love are to us.
Since then, we’ve been especially aware of how we treat each other as well as other people in our lives.
We’re just a little more mindful of those who need encouragement or a little extra love—and then opening to giving it.
We’re being a little kinder to each other, not knowing how much time we have to enjoy being with each other.
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